June 5th 2009
Rocknroller
I know its cliché, but the best way I can describe this year is comparing it to a roller coaster ride. You wait in line for your turn, step off the platform on to the ride with anticipation, and then you hang on for dear life. At the beginning of the ride there is always a quick turn, then a medium sized ascent which is usually followed by a huge drop to ensure that there is that initial rush of adrenalin. You then bottom out and then slowly, and I do mean slowly, start that large ascent. I can hear it now: click click click as you slowly go higher and higher, the anticipation rises and rises, until you are finally at the top and are high enough to gain enough speed and momentum to rush you through the rest of the ride.
I am about two clicks up the ascent right now. A few weeks back, I was at the very bottom. You know that part where it bottoms out and goes flat for a while and then slows up right before you start the ascent? You then stop completely, get jerked back in your seat and then start going slowly up. That part where you are stopped and get jerked back… that is where I was a few weeks back. I am sure it came out pretty loud and clear in the blog. I was nearly at a standstill. In fact, it was a good thing that I was strapped in, because if I wasn’t, I think I would’ve jumped off. I was pretty close to the edge. But now we are moving again, albeit slowly. But more importantly, we are moving up and I am starting to remember why I wanted to go on the ride in the first place.
I can’t wait to see what the view will be like once we reach the top. I sit in anticipation imagining what the rest of the ride will be like. Will we go at lightning speed? Will we get turned upside down? Will I feel my stomach dropping out from underneath me? I know my heart will be racing, I know the adrenalin will be pumping, and I am sure at some point I will let out a scream. I also know that to get to the top, to reach that amazing vista, I will need to, one click at a time, steadily progress.
I was home about a month ago and was reading through the only diary I’ve ever kept in my life. It chronicles my life from when I was 16 and 17. It is absolutely hilarious. I was in love for the first time in my life, with the best friend of my boyfriend, who to make it even more complicated, was also my best friend. He broke my heart, but that was not the funny part. The funny part is reading the thoughts of a 16 year old who went from being deliriously happy to completely depressed, all in the span of 1 school week, every week, and all based on if a boy I liked was nice to me or not. I mentioned a few weeks back that life had not been this hard since I was 16. I think what may be more accurate, is that life has not been this up and down. One week, my back is against the wall and I am grasping for breath. Now, only 2 short weeks later, my back is a noticeable 2 inches from the wall and I no longer am thinking the grass is greener on the other side.
The slow ascent is rarely sexy, but if you get it right, then the rest of the ride is just that much sweeter. As we pull through each day, all of us trying to gather strength in the fact that we all look completely knackered and are going through this together, we push that much closer to the top. When you speak to successful entrepreneurs, they always say how it all goes by in the blink of an eye, and that that first year is just so crazy and how they always wish they could do those early days all over again. I don’t have any children, but it must be similar. Sleepless nights, weary eyes, wondering how the hell you are going to wake up for that 6am alarm. But it all goes by so fast and I am conscience of the fact that I’ll never get this first year of being a first time business owner back. It’s like freshman year at college. When you go back for your MBA or law degree, that first year doesn’t touch your freshman year of university. Your freshman year you are new, everything is new, everyone is new and you are fresh meat and all the seniors are waiting around to see which lambs will be the easiest to slaughter.
So while the view from where I am right now is still pretty dim, I have taken a huge boost from the fact that we are moving in the right direction again. Even though things are hard, I am trying to savour this year and these experiences. Because I know one day, when we’ve reached the top, have rushed around all the crazy jerks and turns and are going at mach speed, the ride will end just as quickly as it began. And as sure as there is a tomorrow, I will be standing on that platform thinking “I want to go again.”
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